Tuesday, February 12, 2008
this is my hope and my prayer.
When it seems like it’ll take forever for the year to come to an end, you realize, it’s already late February. It’s about to end, March is about to come, almost in your face. When you realize that all you’ve done the past 1 and a half-month was to be a total asshole to the people around you, to hurt them with your words and attitude, when you spent your time staring aimlessly at the laptop and not doing any work but unproductive crap. Now you’re rushing to revise every single thing you’ve done in a semester, you feel a headache coming on, you feel like crap and think, “Why did I procrastinate? Why hadn’t I started earlier and made my own notes and do some research?” It’s too late for regrets, all you can do now is make full use of your time and hold on tight to whatever time you have left. So I’ve been a horrible piece of shit to the people around, even to those who have regarded me as one of their closest. Gosh. When will I ever change this damned attitude of mine? Haven’t I been told a million times to change and that I’ll become a much more likeable person with my “Jumping Beanie” attitude? So I always put the blame on the amount of untouched and undone work, the stress I’m going through and everything else but myself. Aren’t I such a bitch? Totally, couldn’t be worse.
I spent January pondering on whether you liked me; I took my bestie’s word for it. Now I’m regretting every single thing I once believed because it seems disillusioned and nothing else but assumptions, which made me a complete fool out of the simplest most unbelievable thing. I wasted my time, my effort and even my brain cells analyzing every detail possible. I should’ve realized it was something completely out of sight and out of mind to believe. The age, the amount of conversation we engage ourselves in and many other things that came to light too late. How could two person possibly have chemistry with the little, or should I say, no interaction? Just the eyes aren’t enough, in my opinion. Sure, the eyes can tell a million things, but when both parties just don’t get the main point the other one is trying to put across, even the most amount of chemistry won’t do. And so, if the time should come, that you realized someone had always admired you for your musical talent, your gentleman, jovial and calm disposition, I’ll take a step back; watch from afar and let you be oblivious to everything around you.
However long this wait will be, I hope I’ll hang on to the strength from You and continue to grow in faith and not let the little things of this world affect my not so commendable relationship with You. I hope this year will be a year of growth; a year where I realize that nothing can be done if I don’t learn how to trust and put my faith in You. I had the same hope last year, but I did nothing thinking it some spell will be cast over me overnight with me sitting there doing zilch about it. This year, I hope I will at least make a conscious effort and make it a point to lengthen my QT and not rush through it when I have the time.
Brooke Fraser - Faithful
There's distance in the air
And I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms `round about me
And blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close
Though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near
Is what I long for
CHORUS
When I can't feel you
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you
I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you
More than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you
Maybe I'm made more faithful
All the folly of the past
Though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one
Still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name
And let it roll around my tongue
Knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me
CHORUS
Bridge
Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want
In this ever changing and unpredictable world, I pray You'll make me a child that will follow You through and through. Be it times of joy, times of uncertainty, times of trial and tribulation.
Labels: reflections
watching the sunset with you
9:05 PM
