Tuesday, April 10, 2007
More than it's suppose to be.
Is this how it’s really supposed to be? Well, we bumped into Elda and Priscilla after our Inductory Talk which was really boring. I was in the toilet while Amy was outside talking to Elda. After they went off, she told me Kelvin left just before I kept out of the toilet. Then we headed to the library because we just wanted to rest, I was browsing through a magazine when Amy nudged me and told me he just walked pass. I thought she was lying to me, but he was really in the library. To cut the long story short, I AM jealous and envious of her. They were sitting at the café laughing and talking about things. So she had to leave already and well, I am thankful for my fringe or bangs rather, it covered my face so that neither of them could see. When their back was facing me, I looked up and he was helping her carry a plastic bag. The moment I saw that, a surge of sadness and jealousy just hit me real hard. I honestly felt like crying. It then dawn upon me that he’s now more than just my eye-candy. If that person really is your eye-candy, you probably wouldn’t feel as much even if you see him/her with another person.
Tell me if it’s really true, does he know or not? Is it just me making things too apparent? Am I thinking too much? Am I having expectations when they aren’t supposed to be involved? I’m getting a little moody and giving attitude without my noticing; if it hadn’t been for Shehlin who told me, people will think of me as a complete bitch and someone imperious. Is this how I’m supposed to be like? Not at all, so what exactly is it impeding me from being a jovial person? It has to be this, it can’t be anything else, really. I know it's completely impossible but yet I'm deluding myself. Sometimes I really wished I had never gone for NPSU FOC. I wouldn’t have noticed him in campus if I hadn’t gone. I wouldn’t know who he is, what more, know of his existence. Is this more than it’s suppose to be?
watching the sunset with you
7:44 PM
