Friday, September 01, 2006
the broken vase.
i don't know if it's me or what. maybe it's the stress thats gettin to me once again cux prelims are in about a wk's time. surely it's not gonna happen everytime my exams are around the corner right? but it just seems like it cux thats when i just start to put pressure on myself & then stress myself out. it's been 10mths alr, yea, ive been countin, stupid? maybe. it's about time i just put it aside even though theyre indelible, easily put in words but it just seems impossible to me. are you really someone that matters so much more than my frens that the comments u gave & the things u wanted to see a change in i conformed to them but not to my friends'? i became more sensitive towards people's feelings, nobody sees it but i know it myself, im sorry to say this but theres still that pride in me that impedes me from sayin sorry to people. when i say things that are hurtful, i know it & feel guilty after that. what happened in the past, i realised only now, of course it's too late. it has already been blown away by the wind, but why do i still hold on to it? ive been holdin on for 248days now, sometimes i just think im so stupid & inane to do sth as to count the days.
it's about time i let things go, but i can't, why? i don't know, can someone just give me an answer? even if it means a lecture from you ppl, i just want an answer. cux it's the 1st? if tts always the reason, im startin to find tt reason stupid & just anth excuse. sometimes i wonder if the things im doin are for myself or are they for you. maybe it's for you, plain stupidity! i try to make things better, but it takes two hands to clap like i was always told by you, if im doin the work all by myself, i should seriously forget about it & just chuck it into the trash bin cux ya just tellin me it's not worth it. someone told me maybe ya playin hard-to-get, but i had always believed ur had better things to do than to play that game & that u ppl NEVER will play the game. i like the analogy on the broken vase, once it's broken, it's broken, even if you try & piece them back into one piece, the cracks will still be there. maybe it's about time i REALLY started clearin up my wardrobe huh?
im rememberin too much & proba even carin about you a tad too much, not just a tad, but a WHOLE lot. sometimes makin me think bout this makes me cry, but it's just not worth cryin for. theyll soon become pearls in the seabed, i hope. i wish u all the best in ur future endeavours & what youll soon be embarkin on. i hope you're happy where u are now. i just need a break from everything, everything around me. ill leave that qn which i asked 7mths back open to you, it's ur choice if u wna tell me or just leave me in the lurch. i guess i dont have a say anymore and neither will u tell.
i cried buckets for you
but do you know?
i still care and worry for you
but do you know?
i have been trying the past months
but do you know?
i hope you're happy where you are now
watching the sunset with you
10:00 PM
