Saturday, July 22, 2006
knowing my limits.
so i started the week off on a really bad note, as much as i wanted to start it off on a good note, things like these are unpredictable, it is not in our control. i was so vexed over things, thoughts runnin through my head, dampenin my mood, the smile was just wiped off my face for the whole of this week. 2 emotional outburst in 2 consecutive days, i think it's a little too much, but i'm not the only one, as ive found out. everybody's stress from the Os, apart from that, there might be other things on each of our indiviual minds too which hinders us from concentratin durin class too. on sun, it was the less major one, i persistantly gave the excuse that i was tired, but me they knew there was something really wrong with me, they know how im like in church, they just simply saw through me, no surprises there.
then on mon, while wern was tutorin, she realised how tired & distracted i was, she asked me to stop, but me as always, bein obstinate, pulled the book back from her & continued, but i just couldnt take it, tears started streamin down my cheeks & i just burst into tears. i was stress, over studies, over a problem, as many ppl wouldve probably figured by now, what the prob is. as much as i want to put it aside, i pushed a little too hard on the emotional side and i too realised how inferior i am & how lazy i am. im not disciplined enough, with distractions & temptations around me, i just let them take over me rather then overcome them. the bed's just above my head, the comp's just a few steps away, the comics are just a stretch of a hand. on mon, was my listenin compre, through out the whole day, i was so jovial, so crazy, i joked & laughed w my friends as if there was absolutely fine all this while. no, i was just livin in self-denial. i thought by pushin aside the problem & not thinkin about it would be better for me, but i just didnt know my limits, i didnt know where to draw the line.
sometimes all i wanna do is just to study really hard & get it done & over with my Os, but well, im pushin myself a little too hard that sometimes i dont even give myself air to breathe, freedom to move. i thought i knew myself very well, i thought i knew where to draw the line, but reality hit me on sun & then agaon on mon. well, emotional & eventful week, i hope it'll be a better week ahead.
watching the sunset with you
12:19 AM
